i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
