my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
