Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
