so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
