a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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