dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
