I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
farters have to be the big spoon...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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