apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
