So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
