there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
