So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
