She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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