I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
