I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
