Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
