Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize