i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
