You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize