Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
