More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize