she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
