you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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