Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
