i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
