oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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