My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
