The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
