the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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