Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
