Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize