i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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