All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize