I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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