i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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