I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You have to summon your inner elephant
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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