i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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