And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
