Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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