i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
