her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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