I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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