I must be too annoying 4 u.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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