What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
