and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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