I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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