He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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