somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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