ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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