That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
