If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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