Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I died a long time ago.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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