I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well I just put wine in my tea
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize