Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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