Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
