i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
