I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
