WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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