I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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