What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
