Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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