we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
