At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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