that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
