nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
