been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
