im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
