I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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